I Keep Failing at My Goals… HELP!
Keep reading this post to learn:
⋒ 5 reasons you might be falling short on your goals
⋒ What you can actually do about it
⋒ Examples of what it looks like to implement these tips in your life
We are officially in quarter 2 and I’ve been seeing things pop up about how people have lost their “new year, new goals” momentum and feel like they are straight-up failing at reaching their goals.
Well, we are going to talk about that today – what you can do if you feel like you are continuously failing at your goals.
Feeling like a failure is such a crappy and honestly draining feeling.
But I want to remind you that your worth as a person is not defined by what you do or don’t accomplish. I’m gonna say that again so all of my fellow Enneagram 3s really let it sink in: your worth as a person is not defined by what you do or don’t accomplish.
I am a recovering workaholic and I gotta be real with you – I used to base how I treated myself on my accomplishments. I didn’t realize this is what I was doing in the moment but now that I no longer find my identity in my profession, the way I treat myself is so different. I was so rude to myself before – the love I had for myself was so conditional. I thought I had to earn everything.
I only let myself rest if I felt like my to-do list was done OR if I felt totally burned out.
If I didn’t go above and beyond with hitting every goal, I would say mean things to myself.
I didn’t spend quality time with friends and family because that was time that I could be working toward accomplishing a goal.
Which is so crazy to think about now because when I think about Adam or Everly – I don’t give a rip what they do or don’t accomplish. I love them because of who they are not based on what they do or don’t do. And hello, why wouldn’t I want to treat myself with that same kind of unconditional love?
So I just wanted to start this blog post off by reminding you that completing or not completing goals has nothing to do with your worth as a person and to extend yourself grace. 🫶🏻 You know whether or not you are doing your best. If you are, be proud of that. And if you’re not, step up to the plate because you deserve that.
With all of that encouragement in your back pocket, let’s talk about what to do when we keep failing at our goals.
01: Your goals are too vague.
I have seen this happen a lot – people feel like they are failing at a goal when in reality, they just don’t know what “complete” looks like for said goal. When a goal is too vague, it can feel very big which can feel very daunting.
Here are some examples of vague goals:
~ Improve my mental health.
~ Get good grades.
~ Be better with my money.
~ Get healthier.
Like okay, cool, those are great starting points, but what is the actual goal you are seeking to accomplish? It’s super hard to accomplish something when you’re unclear on what “complete” looks like, you know?
Let’s take the “Be better with my money” example – maybe at the end of February you feel like you were better with your money but at the end of March, you feel like you weren’t. You don’t really have any markers to go by – you’re just guessing based on how you feel – so it’s all very fuzzy.
What to do about it: Create specific, trackable goals that have action plans.
Part of what I teach in the Hustle Sanely Lifestyle course is using The Hustle Sanely S.W.I.T.C.H. Goal Mapping Method™ to craft your goals. It’s an acronym that stands for:
Specific
Why attached
Impact-driven
Timeline-based
Check-in meetings scheduled
Habits and routines to support
So sticking with the “Be better with my money” example, using The Hustle Sanely S.W.I.T.C.H. Goal Mapping Method™ would look like this:
+ Specific: Put $10,000 in my savings account by December.
+ Why attached: My family and I want to build a pool next summer.
+ Impact-driven: I have such great memories of playing in the pool growing up and want to be able to create those kinds of memories with my kids
+ Timeline-based:
Broad action step 1: Open a separate savings account to put the pool fund in.
Done by: January 15
Narrow action step 1: Decide what bank to open the account at.
Narrow action step 2: Decide what kind of savings account to open.
Narrow action step 3: Make a $100 deposit to start the account.
Broad action step 2: Create a monthly budget.
Done by: February 1
Narrow action step 1: Track spending for a month.
Narrow action step 2: Create a budget based on tracking (including the amount going into savings each month).
Narrow action step 3: Choose an app or program to house the budget in.
+ Check-in meetings scheduled:
Q2 check-in meeting (end of March)
May check-in meeting (end of April)
Q3 check-in meeting (end of June)
+ Habits and routines to support:
~ Have a monthly money meeting with your partner on the last Saturday of every month to go over the budget
~ Have designated online shopping days to audit purchases instead of impulse buying in the moment
02: You’re trying to work on too many goals at once.
You are one amazing, beautiful, smart person – but there is only one of you. Sometimes we forget that we all have a limited capacity and think we can do all the things, all the time and we wonder why we burn out on the regular. When we work on too many goals at once, that’s what happens… we either hit burnout or we feel like hamsters on a wheel, chasing after goals but not really getting anywhere.
Y’all have heard me say it before but multitasking is one of the biggest roadblocks when it comes to getting things done because you’re trying to have your hand in 8 different things instead of focusing on one thing at a time so it feels like you’re getting nothing done since you’re not completing anything, if that makes sense.
What to do about it: Part of The Hustle Sanely Planning System™ is choosing a Focus Goal every month – the reason for this is to help limit distractions so instead of doing the working on 8 things at once thing, you can give your best time and energy to one goal at a time and actually see the needle move.
I like to choose one personal and one professional Focus Goal every month but you do whatever works best for you. And don’t get me wrong, a Focus Goal doesn’t mean you aren’t doing anything else for that month, it just means that you are making that goal your top priority.
Just like how our brains get overwhelmed by a long daily to-do list, we also get overwhelmed by trying to work on too many goals at once so be mindful of how many goals you are trying to pursue at a given time.
I like to choose my goals for the year and then schedule them by quarter. Then during my quarterly check-in meetings, I decide which goals during that quarter I want to focus on for each month.
I’m telling you, The Hustle Sanely Planning System is where it is at! It’s what allows me to pursue my goals while prioritizing my mental health and relationships and I have a whole course where I teach you and show you the system in action.
03: Your goals don’t make sense for the season of life you’re in.
I’ve shared this before, but when I found out I was pregnant a few years ago, it was April and I literally tossed most of my goals for that year out the window. My season changed so goals that were important to me and that made sense when I created them, no longer made sense or no longer mattered like they did before I was pregnant. Maybe you are failing at goals that you set 6 months ago because they just don’t fit into your life anymore.
What to do about it: Another part of The Hustle Sanely Planning System™ is having a Quarterly Check-In Meeting before the start of each new quarter so you can intentionally go over the goals you set at the start of the year to make sure they still make sense for your life and align with your vision, and that you’re satisfied with the way that you’re pursuing your goals – as in, you’re prioritizing your mental health and the important relationships in your life as you pursue them.
It is 100% okay to let a goal go. That doesn’t make you a quitter or a failure. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is stop striving for things that aren’t right for you anymore.
04: You’re setting goals that are out of your control.
Okay, this one is the one that I used to fall into a lot. I would set goals that I could strive for but that really weren’t in my power to make happen.
Some examples of this are goals like: “Hit 100,000 subscribers on YouTube” or “Become a New York Times bestselling author.”
These are more aspirations than goals.
GOAL: The object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.
ASPIRATION: A hope or ambition of achieving something.
If you mix the 2 of these up, that could leave you feeling like you’re failing at your goals, when you’re actually not.
What to do about it: I’m sure you can guess – set goals that you can control whether or not you hit.
When you are brainstorming a goal, ask yourself, “Is this something that I can do based on my actions alone?”
Using the examples I just mentioned:
Instead of “Hit 100,000 subscribers on YouTube” (which is an aspiration), your goal could be “Post a video every week on my YouTube channel.”
Instead of “Become a New York Times bestselling author.” (which is an aspiration), your goal could be “Write 10,000 words a week of my book.”
See the difference? One you can control and the other you can’t!
05: You lack motivation.
Let’s define motivation because you know that I love a good definition, lol.
Motivation: the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.
So if you lack the desire to do something, what if it’s not a problem with you but it’s a problem with the goal? I don’t know about you, but usually when I don’t feel like doing something, it’s because it’s not actually important to me. Or if it is important to me, but I am still having a hard time being motivated to do it, then it’s time to dig a little deeper and see if we can figure out the root of why there is a lack of motivation:
~ Are you getting enough sleep?
~ Are you resting regularly?
~ Are you moving your body?
~ Are you fueling your body well?
~ Are you prioritizing your mental health?
~ Are you spending good, quality time with the people you love?
If not, you might be burned out and that will for sure cause a lack of motivation even if something is important to you.
What to do about it: Get clear on your vision and make sure your goals align with it. What do you want your life to look and feel like in a month? In a year? In 5 years? What goals are going to get you there? That’s your vision. Spend time making sure that what you’re pursuing matches up with the kind of life you want to be living.
Sometimes we get stuck on autopilot and we’re pursuing something because we’re used to it or because we feel like it’s the next “right” step – but what’s right for one person might be completely wrong for another, you know?
Listen, I don’t care that it’s April – if you feel like you need to chuck all the goals you set at the beginning of the year and start fresh, do that!
Wouldn’t you rather spend your time working toward goals that actually matter to you and that make sense for your life than being upset with yourself that you’re not accomplishing arbitrary goals because you feel like you have to force yourself to see them through since you set them at the beginning of the year?
You get to decide which goals are worth pursuing and which ones are better to let go of.
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